


The Copier

by Crysania



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 17:58:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysania/pseuds/Crysania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok so...this is based on Tumblr's ridiculous April Fool's Day joke with a copier machine showing up on your page. Rumplestiltskin spills a potion and animates his copy machine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Copier

It’s an accident. He swears that it is. One moment he’s bent over a potion, eyes trained on the milky liquid as he puts in a few drops of lavender and a piece of saffron. It’s a simple potion, really. But when Belle walks in the door and startles him, it spills, landing on the table, rolling, off to the right and splattering the contents across his copy machine.

He’s never had much use for the machine, but he curses nonetheless.

“Sorry!” Belle says and he turns to find her standing close by, teeth worrying her lower lip in that way that leaves him far more distracted than anything else.

She’s a walking disaster.

But she’s _his_ walking disaster and he loves her for it.

Even if she does have the worst timing in the world.

“It’s no matter,” he responds with, quickly, easily, same as always.

“Was it important?”

“It’s just a copier.”

She laughs. “I’m not drinking out of it.”

It takes him a moment to realize what she means but then he smirks. “Yes well, neither am I,” he says as he looks down at the inoffensive piece of equipment.

“I meant the potion, though.”

“Oh.” He looks down at the bottle, empty on the ground. “I can redo it easily enough. It won’t be much work.”

He watches as Belle’s face goes from dread to relief and she reaches out to hug him.

“HOW CAN I BE OF SERVICE TODAY?”

The voice that comes from behind him is unexpected, almost mechanical, and worst of all _loud_. He releases Belle and whips around. There’s no one there.

“Rumple,” she says and he realizes there’s a bit of warning in her voice.

He shrugs.

“HOW CAN I BE OF SERVICE TODAY?”

That voice…again. It’s grating, like someone took their nails to a chalkboard and amplified it. When he turns around this time he finally spies it. The copy machine.

It’s moved.

Just a few feet forward.

But it’s closer to him.

And worst of all, it has _eyes_. With _eyebrows_.

Belle giggles. “What was that potion for?”

“Not _this_ ,” Rumplestiltskin mutters.

“DO YOU NEED HELP WITH POTIONS? PRESS YES OR NO.”

There are buttons above the thing’s head now and so he just stares at them. Belle giggles again.

“DO YOU NEED HELP WITH POTIONS? PRESS YES OR NO. PRESS ESCAPE TO QUIT.”

“Oh thank the Gods,” he says and reaches over to hit the escape button.

“OK BYE!” The copier’s eyes shut and it backs up a pace or two. The voice goes silent.

“Now,” Rumplestiltskin says and turns back to Belle. “What did you need, sweetheart?”

Belle steps closer and he wraps his arms around her. “Oh nothing.” She pauses for a moment. “Well, maybe just a little bit of this,” she says as she leans up and kisses him.

“Worth ruining any potion for,” he murmurs against her mouth and is rewarded with her smile.

“IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE GETTING LOTS OF WORK DONE!!”

He curses.

Belle lets out another laugh.

The infernal machine has moved closer again.

“Get lost,” Rumplestiltskin mutters.

“PLEASE LET ME SERVE YOU!” the machine shouts. And for a moment he swears its eyes look sad.

“Oh Rumple.” And Belle sees it too.

“ARE YOU RUMPLED? THERE IS A DRY CLEANER APPROXIMATELY .3 MILES FROM YOUR CURRENT LOCATION. DO YOU NEED DIRECTIONS?”

“No!” Rumplestiltskin shouts back. And then realizes he’s mad at a machine. “No,” he repeats.

“Is there a way to reverse the spell?”

“I’m not sure.” He doesn’t even know what the spell _is_. It’s not what he was working on. It’s some half complete mess that has made this monstrosity.

“DO YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL A WORD? I COME COMPLETE WITH A DICTIONARY AND THESAURUS!!”

“Oh for the love of…”

“I think he means well, Rumple,” Belle points out.

“He?” Rumplestiltskin asks. He, as if it has a personality, a soul, as if it’s something other than a magically animated copier.

“Well…” Belle starts to say and he knows where this is going, even if she doesn’t. _I can’t just call it an “it”, Rumple. Look how cute he is, Rumple. Can we keep him, Rumple?_

He glares at the machine before grabbing her hand and tugging her along with him. “The spell will wear off soon enough,” he mutters. “Let’s go to Granny’s…”

“GRANNY’S DINER. KNOWN FOR BEST HAMBURGER’S IN STORYBROOKE, MAINE. APPROXIMATELY 86 METERS AWAY FROM CURRENT LOCATION.”

Belle nods. “Exactly how long do you think it will be before the spell wears off?”

“I have _no_ idea.”

“DO YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL A WORD? I COME COMPLETE WITH A DICTIONARY AND THESAURUS!!”

“Alright,” Belle shouts above the din from the machine. “You win, Rumple. Let’s go get hamburgers.”

As the machine begins its spiel about Granny’s Diner…again…the pair rush out the door and allow it to slam behind them.

“Protection spell?” Belle asks.

“No,” Rumplestiltskin quickly responds with. “In fact, I might just ask the Charmings if they can stop by my shop for a moment. It ought to keep them busy all day.”

With a laugh, Belle hooks an arm through his and they head off.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if he totally reminds you of Stan. I couldn't get his voice out of my head.


End file.
